Get out from under the thumb

A new situation, you just arrived and everybody else knows the rules. It’s all very friendly ‘we get along fine’ yes we’re easy going here. you relax sit back everything seems to be going swimmingly . After a few days you start to venture out, lend a hand, muck in. Then notice your attempts to help are met with quibbles “the cutlery doesn’t go there”, “we rotate the towels'”  “first in last out” “that … doesn’t belong there'” ” Don’t this and don’t that”  the list gets longer, more and more obscure. Comes the head, you feel dominated, oppressed, loose confidence, Initially what was apparently a  liberal household has suddenly developed into a minefield with you the victim. .

You will notice that you are not the only one acting timidly but there is one person setting these standards. That person would feel disturbed if the routines were not followed to the letter. Would you ask where do these standards of behaviour come from and why do we need them?  We don’t have to look too far, what we see in others reflects the things that we recognise in ourselves, we are not duty bound to heal others but we have a responsibility to get to grips with our own feelings behaviour and reactions.   Very often we learn criticism and pickiness from those we looked up to in our formative years people of influence such as an elder relations, parent’s, teachers.  They in turn may have suffered the same discomfort as you dating back generations.

When rules defy common-sense the accuser will make excuse. “You are doing it wrong”  “that’s not the right way”  “Learn some manners”   Could be you are being bullied sooner or later the situation will change the natural course of life itself. More to the point Nietzsche writes “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Not easy to explain to your boss.

How we live our lives, make plans , solve problems and organise is a choice based upon habit but subject to change. Without change we die but seeing the advantages of change is when our world opens up and we can move on. Most of the changes loom up on the horizon, some are threatening and create fears, others are exciting . Discussion of the other person’s point of view, talking about it will create a new balance. Put aside the fear of loss, its not real. Grasp the ideas that offer a better future.